The starting point for change comes with a great degree of agitation and awareness. Agitation is about discomfort and awareness is about knowing and learning what you have to change. So, you decide to change, but at some time you just get tripped up.
At the age of three or four, your neural pathways are layered in to keep you safe so you cannot consciously counterman your unconscious, which is 90-95% of you. The first thing that people do to get away from the discomfort is to change their location or relationships. But, no matter where you go, your neurological programming is in control, so the discomfort is still there.
Then people endeavour to behave in a different way or make new strategies. So, no matter what you decide to do, your unconscious will take you back to the innate survival programming. People then try to learn new things, this is a benefit, however, when you know what you have to do, you maybe never get around to doing it or you start doing it and after a while you stop; because of your unconscious.
So the next step is that most of us have not been taught the bigger picture or how to manage our emotions. So we suppress or hold on to emotions and beliefs or express them negatively and this creates a backlog. This backlog bubbles up and spills when triggered or you suppress it and this becomes difficult to manage.
It is not what happens that shapes your life; it is the meaning that you place on what happens. By holding onto the backlog that you created, you can’t be you. Clearing away emotions and reprogramming old beliefs is great and this starts to create ease. However, you have an identity that was created for your survival and your system protects you because it thinks this is the role you are playing. Releasing this identity will allow you to discover and reclaim the truth of who you are and this makes it is easier to change.
One last thing. As success comes, you’ll have difficulty holding onto it because families, whether you have grown up in one or not, have an impact on you at a biological level. Science has proven that we not only inherit biological and physical elements, we also inherit belief systems and behaviour patterns through our DNA. For example, the trauma from Holocaust victims shows up in their children’s DNA.
Your family is an energy field in which you unconsciously want to belong. Back in the primal ages of us as human beings, the only way we could survive was by belonging in a tribe. This instinct is in our DNA and it is why we have cultures, religions, patterns and beliefs. If your family system is no longer working, it is possible to release patterns using strategies such as ‘Family Constellations’ created by Bert Hellinger.
Graciously moving through all these steps will give you such a balanced, successful and beautiful life.